Alone
by sknkodiak
Summary: Tag to the episode White Tiger. Contains major spoilers for that episode


**Alone?**

_A tag to the episode ":White Tiger"_

_Contains major SPOILERS for that episode_

Dar woke to the faint light of dawn and a blank feeling of loss. For several moments he lay still, not sure why he was feeling this way. Then, memories from the day before rushed over him and he closed his eyes in a futile attempt to banish the vision of Curupira, trussed up by serpents and trapped motionless on the bottom of the lake.

He curled up tightly on his side. _'Maybe it was a dream,'_ he thought desperately.

He knew it hadn't been. There was an empty spot in his soul. He'd never before realized that he always had a warmth, an awareness of Curupira: a spot in his heart that she alone held.

She'd been a part of him for so long. He'd grown up for her and because of her-grown into the powers she'd given him. At first he'd been-not really afraid-but wary of her threats, her moods, her demands. But, slowly, that had changed. He'd always trusted her as far as he himself was concerned-in spite of her occasional threats to "suck the life out of him." He trusted her-well, as much as it was prudent to trust any demon-to care for the forests and animals; he was less trusting about other things. Tao, for instance. Dar could still feel the cold steel of panic in his chest when she'd appeared after Ruh-infected by the diminutive demon Ketzwayo's magic-had injured Dar. Tao had been working to cleanse his wounds when the demon had firmly ordered Tao to follow her. For a brief, terrifying time, Dar had believed-or feared-that Curupira would hurt or even destroy Tao, to punish Dar for failing to protect her animals.

She hadn't hurt Tao. Tao wasn't even frightened of her, although surely anyone with sense would be. No matter what she might have threatened when angry or disappointed, she'd never willingly harmed her chosen Beastmaster.

And, lately, she'd changed somehow. The petulant, spoiled little girl was no more. She'd gone from ordering him around to teasing and flirting to-to-what? Her eyes the day before as she'd asked him if he would leave with her-turning away when he mentioned Tao. Then, warning him, begging-then finally ordering him-to keep the promise he'd made her.

Annoying, capricious, demanding, flirtatious, arrogant...but then, as he had seen her at the last: vulnerable, lost, alone...but loyal to the end. Loyal to her forests. Loyal to her animals.

Loyal to her Beastmaster.

_~"If you can't save me, save my forests, my animals! Use the powers I gave you to protect them! Promise me!"~_

And he had promised...never really understanding what she meant until it was too late to do anything but obey the promise she had forced upon him.

He drifted to sleep again, and he dreamed...

_~The cold mist swirled around him; the cold dank smell invading his nostrils. Panicked, he turned in helpless circles, searching desperately, searching for-_

_No one was there_

_._

_All gone._

_He was alone. Truly alone._

_Everyone who'd ever meant anything to him gone, taken away, killed, stolen. _

_Gone._

_His parents, his people._

_Kyra-taken once by the Terrons, then by the Ancient One, then, finally, brutally murdered by one of Zad's men._

_Kodo. Podo. Sharak. Ruh._

_Curupira._

_Tao-!~_

Dar shot awake with a gasp, jerking upright, heart pounding frantically.

He recognized bright sunlight, bird-song, the comforting smell of wood-smoke.

Dar let his breath out in a sigh of relief, falling back on his elbows. A wave of reaction swept over his body and he trembled, closing his eyes.

"Dar?"

He heard the note of concern in Tao's voice and responded to it. "I'm okay, Tao."

He stayed as he was for a few minutes, feeling the warmth of the sun warm his shivering body; hearing the chortling of Kodo and Podo and Ruh's soft contented rumble; the trickling of water over stones in the nearby creek. The moss felt as soft as velvet under his arms. He took a deep breath, inhaling greedily the scents of smoke, of wild onion and herbs and other, even more tempting aromas. His eyes snapped open as he identified them. "Tao, you're cooking?"

"I figured we needed a hot breakfast today," Tao answered, not looking up from what he was doing. He had dug a small, shallow hole near the fire and filled it with red-hot coals. Over these he had placed a flat, thin rock. A wide, shallow gourd sat on this improvised stove. Tao stirred the mixture inside with a carved wooden spoon. "Before you ask, I don't know what kind of egg it is. Kodo brought it to me."

Dar looked into the bowl, recognizing scrambled egg, sliced tubers, onions, herbs, and - "Cheese?" he asked in surprise. "Don't tell me that Podo brought the cheese!"

Tao grinned. "No," he admitted. "I traded for it in Xinca. I've been saving it." He wrapped a cloth around his hand to remove the bowl from the heated stone, setting it before Dar with a flourish. "My people call this Hutman's breakfast." A shadow crossed his face at the mention of his vanished tribe.

"Why Hutman's breakfast?" Dar asked, watching as Tao used a wedge of tuber to scoop up a small portion of the cooked mixture.

"Because when the Hutman would come around to re-thatch all the roofs before cold season, everyone would pay him with items of food. Potatoes, onions, bacon, cheese...then he'd combine it all together for his meal. Be careful," he added. "It's hot."

"Well, of course it is," Dar smiled. "You just pulled it off the fire." He sampled a bite, nodding appreciation. "This is good!"

The two of them ate quickly, finishing most of the food but leaving a portion for the ferrets. Dar chuckled as Podo shot him a look before diving headfirst into the bowl.

"What'd he say?" Tao asked.

"He likes what you do with eggs," Dar responded easily, rising and going to the creek. He took a long drink, then scooped handfuls of the icy water over his face and neck.

Shivering, he glanced up at the sky, greeting Sharak thankfully and absently noting the sun's position. He moved to Ruh's side, placing his hand on the great cat's head while their eyes met in silent communion. The warmth and security of their bond filled the Beastmaster's soul.

Tao hadn't moved from his place by the fire. The ferrets, having scoured the bowl clean, launched their furry bodies at him with chortles of glee. "Hey! Mind your manners, you little rats," he mock-protested. He glanced up, smiling, as Dar joined him.

"It's late. Mid-morning. You should have woke me earlier."

Tao's smile vanished. "You needed sleep. After yesterday..." his voice trailed off.

Dar hadn't noticed before, but now that he thought about it, Tao looked terrible. His face was pale, with smudges of exhaustion under his dark eyes. "Did you sleep at all?" he asked suspiciously.

"No. Not really. I couldn't sleep. Oh, I made something for you."

Tao picked up a small pot near the fire. Inside was a pale yellowish cream. Curious, Dar dipped his finger into it. The stuff smelled faintly of lavender and lemon grass, and the skin on his finger immediately went numb.

"Do I eat it?" he asked, straight-faced.

Tao laughed. "Well you could, but your tongue would fall asleep after the first bite. It's an ointment for your wounds." He gestured at the angry marks of battle that marred Dar's smooth torso.

Reminded again of the day before, they both fell silent. Dar dabbed the ointment onto the cuts, feeling their fiery sting immediately ease.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" he asked abruptly.

"Thinking, mostly."

"You think too much," Dar said automatically. Tao didn't respond, just stared into the fire. Dar saw a shiver pass over his frame. "You were thinking about Curupira?"

Tao nodded, then shrugged. "Her...the mist...all of it. Iara. It all seems like a dream-a nightmare. Like it didn't really happen...but it did."

Dar stared into the fire in turn. "I know. It's almost like it happened long ago, instead of yesterday. Like it was a story I heard as a child. But...it did happen. Curupira-I can't feel her anymore." He touched his forehead, then over his heart. "She's gone here." Glancing at Tao, he said quietly, "I tried to save her, you know. Tried to reach her. But I couldn't. And-she'd made me promise to...save her forests, her animals. Iara said she'd let her go if I'd leave this place and go with Iara. But-"

"You couldn't do that," Tao finished for him, gently. "You know Curupira wouldn't have wanted that."

Dar closed his eyes, trying to banish the picture of the little demon as he'd last seen her. "I know," he whispered. "She kept warning me about *my* death, but...that last time, I think she knew *she* was in danger. She told me how to stop Mohan-"

"Mohan? Is that the white tiger?

Dar nodded. "Iara tricked him...cursed him. Told him she would turn him into a man if he killed me." Dar frowned at a sudden thought. "But...if he was trying to kill me...he could have attacked me any time. That mist-things were so confused. *I* was so confused. Especially after-" he stopped.

"After the animals and I disappeared?" Tao asked steadily.

Dar nodded. "Yes." He pulled his knees up to his chest and clasped his arms around them. "I don't understand," he whispered. "Why would Iara want me dead?"

"I don't think she did," Tao said unexpectedly.

"What?"

"Remember what you said? About our futures being predetermined and we could do nothing to change them?"

Dar shuddered. "I remember saying it," he said. "I even remember believing it." He shook his head. "But that's *not* what I think. But yesterday...it was as if I was outside my body-watching myself, unable to-to-" he extended his hands in frustration.

"Unable to act," Tao said. He was still staring away from Dar, into the fire. "That's the way I felt." He took a deep breath. "I don't think you're going to like what I'm thinking."

Dar stared at him. "Tell me," he demanded.

"All right. But...I'm still puzzling this out, I don't have a clear picture yet. Umm, I don't think Iara wanted _you_ dead at all. No matter _what_ Mahon may have thought he was supposed to do, she really didn't want him to attack you. Because, as you said, the tiger could have got you anytime. He could have attacked me, for that matter, in the cave...he walked right past me. And another thing: when you were fighting Zad, the tiger, and the sentinel...or when you _thought_ you were fighting them...you weren't moving like yourself at all."

"What do you mean?"

"Dar, I've spent a lot of time watching you fight, remember? You're smooth, flowing, focused. Not yesterday. You were moving like you were a half step behind yourself. It was three against one..." Dar saw a smile briefly cross Tao's face, "And although that would usually be even odds against you, yesterday you were at a disadvantage right from the beginning. As if you were already ill, or injured."

Dar cast his mind back. "I don't really remember the fight," he said in surprise. "I just see the mist."

"Oh yes, the mist. Dar, I think Mahon was stalking you. Not necessarily for the purpose of attacking you, but more to scare you."

Dar frowned. "Tigers don't think like that."

"No, but I'd be willing to bet that's _exactly_ the way Iara thinks," Tao said grimly. "Dar, it was all a game. A game, with Curupira as the stakes. Everything that happened yesterday-the tiger stalking you...that feeling we both had that something was out there, Destine, the animals disappearing, me being taken from your side...and that mist! That cold, wet, mist!"

"Tao, slow down. I don't understand-?"

"It was all designed to get at you! To-" Tao moved his hands in circles, apparently searching for the correct words. "To... wear you down. Exhaust you. The more energy you used-mental, physical-the more exhausted you became."

Dar nodded. "Okay. So?"

Slowly, wincing, Tao pulled his knees up to his chest in a mirror image of Dar. Resting his chin on his knees, he said, "I thought about this all night. I kept thinking, why? I also thought, how did Iara defeat Curupira? They're both demons. I'm no expert on demons, but I would think they would be about equal in power, you know? And another thing...Curupira was on _her_ home ground, wasn't she? Not Iara's. That should have given Curupira the edge. But Iara defeated her.

"Curupira couldn't have been a-pushover. If she had been that easy to beat, Ketzwayo could have done it when he tried. But _he_ couldn't beat her. Because _you_ were in the way. Remember? He couldn't defeat Curupira as long as _you_ lived."

"But I'm still alive," Dar pointed out. "And Curupira is gone."

"Yes, but she's not dead. Iara didn't kill her." Tao stopped, to take a breath, apparently. "I think, when Curupira gave you the power of the Beastmaster...it set up some kind of link between the two of you. Think about it-you said, earlier, that you couldn't 'feel' Curupira any more, you knew she was gone. I think there was some kind of energy flow between the two of you. Either she gave energy to you-and as you got more and more fatigued yesterday, she kept sending more energy to you, until _she_ was exhausted and easy for Iara to defeat. Or Curupira drew energy _from_ you, and as you tired there wasn't anything for her-"

Dar stared at him in horror. "Do you mean-I'm responsible for what happened to her?"

Tao sucked his breath in through his teeth. "No! Dar, don't think that! That's _not _what I meant! It was out of your control. Besides-" Tao stopped and seemed to try to collect his thoughts. When he went on his voice was calmer. "Dar. Think about it. You said yourself, Curupira seemed to know she was in danger. She could have left...run away-"

"She asked me to leave with her...well, she asked me if I would," Dar mused.

"Yes, but later, she told you to protect the animals. To sacrifice _her_ if necessary, to protect her _animals_. She's not dead, Dar. As long as you're alive, as long as her forests and her animals are protected, I don't think she can die. She might be trapped in Iara's world, but maybe, someday, she will be able to get free. To come back to her own world."

For long moments there was no sound in the clearing save the crackle of the fire and Ruh's sleepy sighs. Finally Dar nodded. "I promised her I'd take care of her world. I will, no matter what," he finished with steely determination.

Tao smiled. "And I'll help you," he added quietly.

Dar looked at him and smiled. "Yes, you will. I think Curupira knew that, too." He thought briefly of how Curupira had called him to her, using Tao's voice. He hadn't told Tao that part of the story and didn't now. Instead he said, "You know, when you were talking earlier about how I felt, you never said 'frightened'. I was, you know. I was terrified. Not about my possible death, but about _yours_."

At Tao's look of shock, Dar went on. "I told you I wasn't afraid of my own death. And I'm not. But...facing _your_ death-that scares me. After Kyra died...you held me together. Gave me the reason to keep going." He took a deep breath. "If it's true, that I was Curupira's strength-well, then, you're my strength."

Tao studied him for a long minute. "Thank you," he said finally. Then a grin crossed his face. "Even if I talk too much and can't seem to stay on my feet?"

Dar laughed. "Even if," he agreed. "Besides, you didn't fall at all yesterday."

"Well, actually, I did," Tao admitted. "After I got separated from you, I fell into that cave." He moved his legs, wincing again.

"I saw the marks. But I didn't count that-it was a booby trap. The opening had been covered over with leaves and grass." Dar's voice sharpened. "Did you get hurt?"

"Well-" Tao hesitated.

"Tao!" Dar said warningly. He moved closer to his friend's side. "Where?"

Carefully, very carefully, Tao extended his legs. Dar could see now that the left one was bare except for a length of cloth wrapped tightly around the ankle. "I don't believe you," Dar muttered, loosening the bandage to reveal angry red swelling. He poked and probed, eliciting a choked cry from Tao. "I don't think any bones are broken," he said finally. "But it's badly sprained. We'd better stay here today. It's late anyway and you don't need to be walking on this. And you need to soak it in the creek." He stood up and reached down a hand to help Tao to his feet. "Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?"

Tao made a sound halfway between a gasp and a laugh as he cautiously put weight on the injured foot. "You're not going to believe this. I was so busy thinking about-well, about everything else, that I forgot all about it!"

Dar rolled his eyes and regarded his friend with affection as he eased him down on the creek bank. "I believe it."

Tao hissed as the cold water covered his foot. "Dar," he said suddenly. "One more thing. About Curupira." He hesitated. "I didn't know her nearly as long or as well as you, but I don't think she'd be sorry about the way things turned out. She loved-"

Dar nodded. "She loved her forests, her animals."

"Yes. But that's not what I was going to say. She loved you, Dar. As much...maybe more than her animals. She loved you, and she wanted to save you from Iara. Just as she trusted-trusts-that you'll protect her animals."

Dar looked away from Tao. He stared into the rapidly-rushing water of the creek, seeing not it but instead the calm lake with Curupira trapped at the bottom. He could hear her voice again in his mind.

_"Save my forests, Beastmaster. Protect my animals."_

"I will," he whispered.

~finis~


End file.
